The Great Sausage Scam [Social | Closed]

Most days in Waterdeep, particularly those that had him walk through the marketplace or some other similarly crowded place had him wanting another Githyanki raid to take place except this time he would sit back, and watch them go. Maybe wait until the end before subduing one to then turn into his slave until he got bored, ask him the right questions to get to know their race better and of course, their secrets to interplanar travel. That sounded like a skill he really needed to master, and by the looks of it, they depended on it quite a bit. His other moments of the day were spent quietly contemplating life and studying magic, sometimes with the aid of similarly minded fellows some of which were rather questionable. Not on their ultimate goals or inner thoughts, for all sentient beings were inherently evil and selfish, though some were more agreeable than others. It was their lack of ability to hide it that which concerned him. It made them unpleasant to be around, so he kept his interactions with them to a minimum.

At least one of the other magic academies had a bit of a small letter print in their admission contract, that had him turn elsewhere. Soon, he would have to go away from Waterdeep to carry out some field studies, and it couldn't be soon enough. Citrine had moved away from the ship-Inn, and not too long afterwards he had followed. The feather she had gifted him he had kept like he kept most other gifts of any meaning: Close to his body, being carried on his person at all times if possible. It was an interesting study, a bit of a planetouched feather that reacted to magic and could be used as a conduit. Perhaps it could be used later on for that same plane-traveling goal he had set in mind.

He had taken some odd jobs here and there, some of those even with Citrine. So now he was in considerable better shape than when he had come to Waterdeep, that is to say he was sporting a full plate armor with a shield and helmet on his back on most of his "expeditions" and "other missions". That alone, paired with the sword at his hip was rather confusing for his enemies when instead of him drawing his sword, he pointed their finger at them and they were incinerated on the spot

That day he was looking for something that might aid him in his endeavor, with a heavy sigh he decided to stop for a sausage roll, not paying much mind to the people in front of him as he was focused on his own thoughts. His jaded self was shaken out of his ennui by one of the many quaint quirks of Waterdeep: The sausage roll seller arguing with a raggedy looking woman. With a rather large weapon on her back, in spite of her laughably short stature in comparison. He wondered if she could even wield such a weapon, but seldom had he seen someone carrying a weapon that they actually couldn't use. And it was wrapped too.

He did some math.

Then walked over, heavy steps on the ground, and he directed his speech directly to the man.

"Listen, while I'm sure there is no concern about the fact that you are right, you are known for your good rolls and your good attitude to this people, in here a place full of thieves. Think about that, it is quite feasible that the woman put the coin on the counter and someone else snatched it while you were getting your roll. It would go a long way to show what a generous man you are, if you let her go, and give me a sausage roll too for helping explain the situation and prevent a fight. For what customer does not love a caring shop-owner."

Though his words were serious, it wasn't just by the virtue of words alone that he was doing that, but by the fact that he could influence people's behavior. It wasn't an ability that he had used often since before coming to Waterdeep but it had proven a necessity. The words slowly worked their magic as the man nodded with a grunt, and after a few words handed over a roll to him. Malakbel, not being one to let the opportunity slip put one of those armored hands on the woman's shoulders and helped her out of the scene before she blew it for both of them.

"First time 'ere?"

He asked, looking at her with those piercing snake eyes of his as he opened that fanged mouth and took a huge chunk of the sausage roll.

"Just saved you five copper, a couple days in jail, death, or being a wanted criminal, depending on what would your course of action had been"

He said with his mouth half full as he took another bite, not mindind the jerk that took his hand away. He used his other hand to try and help some of the bit he chewed off fit in his mouth, and then took a few seconds more chewing it. It wasn't the best, he had better. But when he was hungry it was not like there was that big of a difference in quality really. All in all he thoroughly enjoyed meat, at first he had thought everyone did as well but the more he traveled the more he learned other sentients were sometimes rather adverse at the idea. He just couldn't understand why. Meat was great. Meat related things were good. As was booze. Or it would be if he could get drunk without needing an intense magical procedure to achieve the same results a human could with a mug of ale, it was mostly a dry drive for him.

"What were you going to do when the guards showed up? Tell them you're innocent and the man stole your money? Where is your proof? I mean I was almost right behind you and didn't see anything. You know, I don't think you're a thief, because well..."

The yuan-ti stopped to take a better look at her, head to heels. She looked either rough or roughed in, perhaps both. Earlier he had made the decision in a split second but now he was considering it more thoroughly, certainly she did not look the part or anything at all like the other thieves he had met. Either the ones with a glib tongue or simply the ones too fast to catch, everyone else was either dead or in jail or well...

"Awfully superficial of me but you don't look the part, except for the dirt. Also you're a terrible thief. The dirt is really spot on. But hecklers don't do well here, so it's usually better to just take the coin, or the sausage, and go away before they catch you."

Also, she seemed to be really terrible for a con-woman if she was such, literally had no alibi, and seemingly no charm either by the way she went on to clash against the man. Maybe she was righteous in her anger, but beating him up and taking her coin back would not look good either. He would have liked to see that, however. Maybe even lied to the guards if they came and asked what happened.

"So I can only asume either he was right and you didn't pay, or I was right and you got your money stolen."

He finally finished swallowing the piece he had been chewing. The truth was that he didn't really care as much about whether she was a thief or not as he did about getting to know her and actually interact with her. A less knowledgeable person about his ways might be confused about, well, his way to go about it however.

"Oh you mean the conversational skills? It's a magic thing, really. I couldn't just stand by and let him steal from you"

He lied, he absolutely could.

"So I figured, why not help a dangerous looking lady, and frustrate a thief at the same time? Usually I have to pay for this kind of entertainment, but I got to do it for free. And I get a free snack for my troubles. All in a days work."

Then he looked at the roll almost with a bit of disappointment

"I mean... It's not human meat, but it's still good you know"

Malakbel looked back at her and smiled

"So what I believe you were trying to say is thank you"

He let out a shrug without much subtely, win some, lose some, it was a numbers game really, like fishing. Social relationships, that was. While he could understand some kind of feelings and emotions, particularily those partaining to anxiety and fear since they were intertwined with objective reality in that kind of social environment, he didn't exactly feel them the same way. He could only asume what it would be like to feel those things in the same way other people did. And by people he meant other sentients. He had learned how to best blend in with other sentients in the city but sometimes here and there something slipped and let out that he was not quite like the rest. He pushed the last bit of the sausage roll into his mouth and bit hard, his gaze went to the side briefly as if he was trying to remember something he had forgotten. Or as if he was tasting something that didn't quite belong into a sausage roll. But then it went away, looking at her.

"I would have probably cast a fireball at the merchant, to kill any remaining witnesses too."

Declared shamelessly through some heavy chewing, and then shook his gauntlet around hoping the grease wouldn't stick too hard. And, after a few seconds, a mage hand rubbed against them trying to scrap of whatever bits remained. As usual he lied through his teeth most of the time, walking a fine line between sarcasm and seriousness that was hard to pin down.

"Pretty rude of you though... but you're right, let's go back I'll undo the spell and you and the merchant can pick up where you were. You're right, I didn't mean to intrude, it was not my place."

He apologized and showed both empty palms in a broad shrug as a sign of defeatism.

"I mean you gotta admit when you're wrong, and I apologize for that, clearly we should start again from zero, this time. Do things right. By the book. Lawfully. Let's go."

He then looked a bit worried at the sausage roll that was rapidly disappearing into Kara's mouth.

"You might have to puke that back though, but I can reconstitute it with magic, it would be as if nothing ever happened, none will be the wiser"

He guaranteed, like a used spells salesman. In fact, he was wondering if it was actually possible, he never actually tried. Perhaps it was. Food was already dead, as dead as individual body parts are, by which he thought, not sentient. Thus could be considered an object. Thus, could be mended, made whole again in the shape that it used to be. Right? Was worth a shot. Kara didn't have to know the spell might fail.

"Ah, so you say. But the man says otherwise. And me? I haven't seen it. You don't look like a thief but certainly you don't really care about making things right either, do you? Let's do things lawfully and argue it with him, you can both present in front of a guard and argue your points. He'll decide whether you paid for it or not. Mine was a gift, you know. Unlike yours, which was arguably stolen and open for discussion."

He pointed out to her sticking out his pinky finger from the right hand, before moving it upwards and inspecting it for further grease stains. It only lasted for a second, like a curiosity before he moved on and his gaze fell back on to her, hand going back to it's resting position once again.

"I'm offering you to go back and do things over and you're refusing to... I can only asume... You're okay with how things turned out then. I mean... I just wanted to make sure that was the case, you know. For a minute I thought you weren't okay with how things played out, and I wouldn't dare to call you a hypocrite and ignore it, so there you have it. We can go back!"

He put on his best scared face. In truth he was rather enjoying toying with the righteousness of the woman in front of him. The concept of laws to him was laughable, as were strict moral codes, black and white moralities and overall, anything that seemed a bit too stiff. The thought that power could be, in any way, shape, or form, truly legitimate was silly to him. Might made right, and there were many kinds of might.

"So... What can I say, I'm in your hands. What shall we do? Do we go back and I undo the spell, recompose the sausage roll, set things right in the eyes of the law? Or you prefer this outcome to the previous situation? I did not meant to upset you, please understand me. I am terrified of what you might do to me should you misunderstand my intentions. Sometimes I can get really carried away and simply asume it is in my capacity to aid people or help them out of a situation, and I don't consider just how they might feel about it. I find it fun, you know, doing the right thing and playing the hero. But this is now fun at all, now, I feel like maybe we've done a really bad thing! And I certainly don't want to be aiding a criminal. So please, what shall we do?"

His concerned expression was not even a fake one, there was a little bit of concern in him, however dismal it was. And he wanted to try out the spell on the vomited sausage roll too, he was curious about that.

These situations provided entertainment to him. He was focused on her reactions, her facial expressions, the slight delays between words and the intonation of her sentences. He was full of curiosity for the sentient condition, at least, the "warm blooded" ones such as humans. The inner workings of their minds and the different kind of strings that pulled at their reactions, their behavior and motivations. He was, truly, really invested in the current situation.

"Why would you go and pay him for a gift he gave me freely?"

He asked then arching an eyebrow as he gave her a quizzical look. And then, a small, sharp and white smirk began to form in his lips.

"You should pay him for the one you owe him if you want to make things right. Unless of course... You're trying to rid yourself of your guilt and crimes by trying to pin it on me, looking for an easy way out... If you're somehow implying that it wasn't really a gift. Which it was. On one hand there were several witnesses to you arguing with the man about not paying for your sausage roll, of that I'm sure, I wouldn't have taken notice otherwise. On the other, there -are- several witnesses to the man giving me the sausage roll as a gift."

He then brought both of his hands up again in a small mockery of that same defenseless shrugh he had performed before.

"Sounds like at this point you're just making things up to make yourself feel better; but there is no moral high ground here. You got away and didn't pay for your roll, I helped you out of it and make the merchant look good, which was rewarded with a roll for a good behavior, and putting in a nice word out for him. And yet, you say you don't want that. So I offer you to reverse things and you don't want that either. But it makes you feel guilty, because you're saying one thing but doing another when presented with the chance to undo it. So you decide it is I who stole something and not you, to feel better and still not having to undo things? That's some complicated mental gymnastics in order to justify yourself and still not change anything, you should just own up to it and have payed for your own roll straight away, really."

He paused a bit, thinking hard.

"Wouldn't that have been the optimal path to take? Less time consuming, easier on the conscience... I feel like I'm missing something here"

Said out loud though the last part was mostly to himself. So his prevalent thought about the woman not being a thief seemed to be the right one, maybe she had gotten swindled or simlpy her money had been, as he suggested, pocketed away by a deft-handed thief. So her primary motivation then was righteous anger at first, and guilt second. But wasn't that too hard of a turn? He thought he had figured out the puzzle, it was probably about her personal moral code. That elusive thing. But she was rough, and looked the part. Something cultural, or about personal upbringing?

He was really interested, invested in seeing what she would do next and how would she respond. He guessed a disconnect, as was his wording of that particular reaction. But was secretly hopeing for something he couldn't predict.

Disconnect it was, the only way to preserve the self, he thought to himself. He sighed with disappointment when he saw her walk away, but rather happily raised his voice to make himself heard.

"Hey this was a lot of fun, it was nice meeting you, let's do this again some day!"

He said and waved his hand bidding goodbye. He thought to himself he was getting good at the game, the social game. He thought he had humans figured out, well, sentients at least. He yearned for some other kind of sentients, the more strange ones like Citrine to practice as well but they were... well, rare as their name implied. He wondered what the little feathered woman was doing these days. Their motivations and actions could be questioned up to a certain point, he had to keep away from inconsistencies.

Next he decided he was going to work on agreeable demeanor, submissive if he could manage to pull it off. Sad, maybe? He felt that inspiring pity would not get him a long way, but perhaps he was wrong. He was of the mind that power begged to be used, and there was a positive reinforcement about feeling superior and appreaciated by another. He would have to plan an scenario to set it up and see if it worked, but he was sure it would. He tried not to use himself as a reference but he did feel some kind of pride in his accomplishments or when something went right, wouldn't it stand to reason that other people would be at least a little bit similar?

And of course, then there were the differences between men and women, he felt as though they would be deceptively simple. Perhaps the planetouched would be different. He decided then, he was meeting with Citrine again; as soon as he had tracked her down that was. And then, possibly, recruiting her help as well. He felt she would be game as long as it was entertaining, and for him, it always was.

As for Kara, he wouldn't interfere with her or her actions any further or stop her from giving the man is due copper. Of course, he had used his spell also to get a free roll but she needn't know that. Couldn't know that. In spite of what it appeared, he really did hope things went well for her and in her life, it wouldn't do him any good to actively do evil upon her or to want for such things to happen. She would be out of sight soon, and out of mind sooner. Unless she decided to run wielding that wrapped weapon against him. He would love that. Uniroincally. He really would.

He too then, went his own way.