Citrine
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6 Wild Blooded Sorcerer+ 1 Celestial Warlock
Posts: 328
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Post by Citrine on Feb 21, 2019 20:50:26 GMT
"Aye, ah large city knaen tae be populated mostly by self-pompous humans, devil tieflings, slip halflings, tinker gnomes, strix… ehhh… birdfolk, they are, and ah navy tha'll make ye head spin. Full o' contracts with devils, power hungry beings, an' ah governmental history tha' makes me wantae gae tae sleep." A political city, it would seem, drunk on its own power. "Et's…. Ahh… nae ah nice city. But et's home." Home was home.
Shrugging, she dove her hand down as if mimicking a bird plunging into water. "Just as ah seahawk would. Et's quite silly, Aye've been told, teh way Aye dive… but teh bird en me knaes how tae dive an Aye just follow me instincts. It's teh osprey that teh Firebird fashioned me wings an' size on after'ull - exact proportions, just ah bit bigger thank teh Gods. Aye'd hate tae have been even smaller!" The thought of only being around 2 feet tall sent her shivering in laughter and disgust at the same time.
"Teh water tempature doesn't bother me. Teh sea es usually warm, but ef Aye find meself en cold water? Teh heat an' fire en me keeps me warm. Et'd only be ef Aye was held under fer tae long en cold tha' et'd start tae be ah temperature problem." Numbing coldness, stiffening limbs, the darkness…. Yes, it would be a problem then, on many levels.
"Grand attempt at teh pronounceation!" She praised the genasi, then repeated the word again. "Neach-Gaoil. Ah word en Varisian, ah language nae spoken 'ere as far as Aye can tell. Et means…" She coughed a bit, almost sounding… embarrassed. True embarrassed, highlighted by the fact her wings began to smell faintly of pine sap - sticky, hard to shake. "Means beloved sweetheart." Her tanned skin started to turn scarlet. "Ah endearment Aye call me Lass, Orin. She's me intended, ye see." Her other hand not still dancing with the phoenix fire crept up to fiddle with the ring around her neck. Intended + fancy ring? The connection was there - the ring Citrine used as her arcane focus was a wedding ring.
"Et's…. Et's been ah long while since Aye've, well, seen 'er." She couldn't say the number out loud, the span of time a bit too depressing, a bit too lonely. Plus her voice had choked up a bit, Citrin'e usual upbeat tone greatly diminished and hoarse. Though mentioned in passing before, Citrine rarely ever spoke directly about her long since seen fiancee.
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Post by moralhazard on Feb 21, 2019 21:14:46 GMT
Thea giggled at Citrine’s description of her home. “It doesn’t sound that different than Sembia, although they’re not… so fond of tieflings in Urmlaspyr,” Thea gave a half-shrug.
The thought of Citrine the actual size of a seahawk was a silly one, and Thea laughed aloud. There were smaller folk around – the goblin child they’d met, Enchee, was smaller than some birds – but she thought Citrine already felt the sting of her size keenly enough, and that her gratitude was thoroughly genuine.
“Neach-Gaoil,” Thea tried again, doing her best. She started to grin more widely when Citrine began to blush, thoroughly enjoying her new friend’s embarrassment. Citrine had gotten her to open up about things long buried – and likely best left buried – teased her repeatedly and made Thea think she’d break Solace, and even managed to dress Thea up in no more than pants, a breast band and a coat – it was a huge relief to finally find something that actually embarrassed the phoenix woman!
And then – just like that, the enjoyment was gone.
“I’m sorry,” Thea said, smile fading. It was obvious that Citrine truly, deeply missed her beloved sweetheart. She’d spoken plenty about her sister, but not on Orin; Thea knew all too well that some pains were a little too deep for words. “I didn’t mean to pry.” She hesitated, then shifted with a quick hop from the stool to the (sturdy, wooden) table, wrapping one arm around Citrine’s shoulders and giving her a little squeeze.
Her intended. Thea never wanted to see Dominic again, and even still she missed him. Well – not Dominic, exactly, but the Dominic Thea had thought he was, the person she’d believed him to be back when they were still engaged, back before she’d realized – not for the first time, Thea was grateful that he’d had sense enough to push back the wedding, even if she had been confused and hurt by it at the time. It had been a few months, now, and that had taken some of the sting from the betrayal, but at the same time been long enough that Thea missed – well. She had no idea what a long while meant for Citrine, but somehow she sensed it was longer than her few months.
“… will you – do you think you’ll see her again soon?” Thea asked, tentatively, not quite able to help further prying. She caved, going back on the question. “You don’t have to answer that, of course, I – I’m sorry.”
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Citrine
Approved
6 Wild Blooded Sorcerer+ 1 Celestial Warlock
Posts: 328
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Post by Citrine on Feb 21, 2019 21:40:59 GMT
Leaning into the hug, pine still sticking-smelling around, Citrine trilled a soothing comforting sound. "Oi! Ye're fine Lass, ye're fine. Aye just dan'et talk about her tha' much. Ye're just fine!" It was a trio of statements all repeated over and over, used not only to reassure Thea but to calm herself down. "Ef Aye didn't want anyone tae knae at-ull Aye'd ne'er mention 'er." The pine began to fade, but was still present, even as Citrine smiled.
"Aye thought Aye'd 'ave see Orin again some three years ago! 'Olly had made an' twisted ah Gate spell tha' was gonna gate me to 'er, since me time as Herald was done, an' Aye hadn't seen 'ere teh 'ole 'undred years, an Aye ended up here!" By the end the pine had been replaced by a hint of sulfur wisping at the edges. "'Olly fucked up 'er spell an' nae Aye'm suck 'ere!" She sharply kreed out the pent up frustrations she had that she constantly tried to not think about - leaning a bit more into Thea's side hug, then sighed, dejected, as she forced the stirring hot air in her chest out.
In a much more flat tone Citrine groaned. "Sae Aye dunno. Aye've nae idea 'ow tae get back tae Golarian, Aye've ne'er used Gate spells after-ull, an' o' course aye wasn't listenin' at-ull when 'Olly was explaining teh steps. Why would Aye? 'Olly's ne'er ruined ah spell she's designed, teh smart-arse." Sibling rivalry was at its peak here.
By now Citrine was rambling a bit more about Holly messing up, lapsing into a few different languages as she simply vented her frustrations. It wouldn't take much to guess that Citrine, for all her chatting and talking, didn't talk about this often. Her wing scents shifted, changing to various storms, rain, heat, steam, and even spearmint as she talked - showing just how distressed and confused she felt about the whole thing. But finally she settled, sighing again, and this time staying calm.
"Sae who knaes. Aye'm nae without 'ope tha' Ayel'll ne'er see 'er again - Aye'm plannin' on living much much longer, an' Aye'm nae doin' et without me Captain." She almost sounded like a pouting child at the end… almost. "Aye didn't get tae see 'er sailin' fer Gozreh. Aye was bound tae teh ship, an' teh ship bound tae teh Shackles -teh sea there. An', Aye'd like tae believe, she was somehow bound somewhere.. Somehow… since she ne'er came tae see me… o' join me crew, like she said she would. She was gonna be me First Mate… takin' what we could, givin' naething back." A bit of the color and sheen faded a bit from her feathers and wings, the scent muting as well. "But we'll find each other, Aye'm sure o' et." Brightening back to normal, it was clear - Citrine believed her own words.
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Post by moralhazard on Feb 21, 2019 22:09:02 GMT
Thea wasn’t exactly sure which of them was the ‘you’re in Citrine’s repetition of ‘you’re fine,’ but, to be on the safe side, she kept an arm wrapped around Citrine. There was a strong smell of pine in the air. If burning wax was mischief, was pine… embarrassment? Sadness? Just how subtle were Citrine’s smell cues? Thea was rapidly getting a lesson in them, as the smell shifted and shifted again.
The rest of the story poured out in a long, angry, and, confused rush. Thea’s eyes widened steadily as she listened. A gate spell was supposed to reunite Citrine and Orin three years ago after a hundred years apart – a hundred years!? – but somehow it had dumped Citrine in Waterdeep instead? The smell of the storm in Citrine’s wings chimed in Thea’s heart, reaching a deep chord in her than any of the others; she squeezed her eyes shut, utterly rejecting the feelings it stirred in her.
“Of course you’ll see her again,” Thea said, confidently. She still had an arm wrapped around Citrine. “I haven’t known you that long, Rain, but I can’t imagine you give up easily,” she grinned at the other woman, giving her a little squeeze. “You’ll find Orin. And I’m sure she’s looking just as hard for you!”
Darker thoughts intruded – Thea’s own experiences coloring a little her perception of Citrine’s situation. If she and Dominic, six months ago, had been told they’d be separated for a hundred years? Well, ignoring that he wouldn’t live quite that long and she’d be close to the end of her lifespan as well… say, ten years. If six months ago, she’d been told they’d be separated for ten years and reunited, Thea would have believed with her whole heart that she’d do anything to find him at the end of it, and he the same for her. Thea wouldn’t have doubted Dominic for a moment. Then, six months ago, they’d been together more than four years. He’d been the center of her world, as close to her heart as anything except glass-blowing, and Thea couldn’t have imagined a world in which she wouldn’t have gone back to him.
And at the end of that ten years, Thea thought, she’d have been in for a nasty surprise. She doubted Dominic would have waited for her – he couldn’t even be bothered to be faithful while they were together in the same city.
Thea’s chest ached with an intensity that surprised her. She was done crying for Dominic, and she’d thought she was done hurting for him too. As she’d done so many times in the last few months, she breathed in deep and exhaled the pain out, feeling her hair lash about her head a bit, and settled back down.
But – Citrine’s situation wasn’t hers, and Thea still believed in love. She just hadn’t found it. Yet. No matter how much it had looked like she had. But Citrine had, and Thea really did have every confidence that she and Orin would find each other again.
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Citrine
Approved
6 Wild Blooded Sorcerer+ 1 Celestial Warlock
Posts: 328
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Post by Citrine on Feb 22, 2019 4:05:28 GMT
Citrine cooed back her appreciation for the words Thea was saying. It was all she had, hope. Hope that somehow she'd figure out a way back to Golarian - or, somehow, Orin would have the sense to located Holly and see if the half elf knew anything. It was what she was holding out for, that Holly would somehow crack open another Gate spell and let the kineticist through. She did have a vial of her blood, hair sample, a siphoned vial of magic - the whole nine yards at her disposal, Holly that was. Everything and everything that the sage sorcerer could potentially need or want in order to track down her sister.
Mostly it was due to Citrine's ability to get into trouble larger than she could handle…. But that wasn't the point.
Leaning there, against Thea, Citrine lost herself in the memory of waiting another time for the chance to see Orin. It seemed that's all she did anymore - wait. She was waiting now. She'd waited on Gozreh's Firebird. She'd waited in Minkai. She'd waited during her quest for Baba Yaga…. When would she be able to stop waiting? "Aye hope ye're right, Thea. Aye really dae. Aye feel as ef me waitin' es… just nae good enough." But by her voice? Citrine was lost in thought… mind a hundred plus some years away in the past.
"Have ye ever been en love, Thea?" Citrine asked, after who knew how long in pained silence.
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Post by moralhazard on Feb 22, 2019 6:21:24 GMT
“Yes,” Thea had been happy to sit in silence with Citrine, her arm wrapped tight around her friend. "I was."
Thea shifted a little, leaving the memory behind. “We were together for four and a half years, engaged for most of one,” secretly engaged, of course. What an idiot she’d been! “I loved him.” Thea was quiet. “I still love him,” she admitted, a moment later. “Maybe I always will. I hope not,” she sighed, a little. “I don’t think he’s capable of… returning it. I think he felt for me as much as he could and he called it love but… it’s not enough, and wouldn't ever have been."
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Citrine
Approved
6 Wild Blooded Sorcerer+ 1 Celestial Warlock
Posts: 328
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Post by Citrine on Feb 23, 2019 0:47:21 GMT
"Et's hard tae forget teh ones who've touched ye heart an' soul." Citrine commented softly. "Et takes moar than time tae forget how ye loved someone…" Breathing deeply, slowly like dragon breath she let out the chest full of air, adjusting her and Thea's sitting arrangement so she would be leaning with her back against Thea's, wing joints dipped low and wings spread out like a blanket across the phoenix's legs. It was a shift of potions that would demand Thea to match to, much like when a cat or lapdog jumped up into someone's lap and made their own space - Citrine's subtle shifts of her wings and posture would draw, hopefully, that same reaction.
"Aye've ah long history with relationships… learned ah lot over me time… dunno ef et'd 'elp ya tae hear em?" She asked with a questioning trill. And at Thea's nod? She continued, adjusting like a cat to get more comfortable, before a layer of seriousness seemed to drape over her. The voice that spoke now was still undoubtedly Citrine's, but the thicker side of the accent was gone. It was more formal… no, formal wasn't the word. High class. Was it possible Citrine was… taking something seriously?
"Relationships are beautiful. Precious. Full of exploration and commitment and fun. But they can also ties that bind you to the ground, never to let you roam or try new things, and often punish you for wanting more – to be greedy. But when they happen? Really happen? And the pair, or group, end up making it through the turmoil? It’s beautiful. But you end up giving your life to them, and if they die or leave you? You’re left broken. You have to have everyone involved feel the same, at least as things grown and develop, because if one is longing for the other without the same back? It just hurts. You are left collapsing to the ground from running, or shattered on the ground when you’re discarded and forgotten. Relationships are the most dangerous game I know.”
Citrine gave a short, dry laughed here. “The biggest chunk of my romantic past involve, as you might be able to correctly assume, Thea, are flings of various types. Some lasting only that night, others a week or two, and a few select ones even a few months. They were fun, no doubt. Still are, even." She readily admitted her enjoyment of physical involvement. "There's no commitment, just a message away and fun awaits. In my time I’ve slept with virgins, experienced Casanovas who thought they could show me a thing or two… sometimes they did… and even those who I found out later were in actual relationships and had been out looking for a side partner or escape. I learned here, If someone in a relationship was that bored and had to seek someone else and risk being scolded or left by the other, was a relationship really worth having?” She questioned, briefly touching on infidelity.
“The next tier are those who promised me the world if only I would stay at their side. They would speak pretty words, come baring gifts of flowers, trinkets, and the like, promising I was their sun and stars…. Only to become angry when I told them I’d break their hearts. I’d seen by then, after all, what happened to those who swore the world to another – they ended up with me, or others like me, in a brothel or upstairs at a bar. I became good at my ‘job’, of being the in-between woman to help sooth broken hearts or nervous virgins. I found my place then, for so long, sitting in the cracks of everyone else finding happiness in others that I couldn’t help but feel jealous of it. So I just turned tail and ignored the thoughts, becoming the Goddess-damned best middle girl I could possibly be. I met so many lovely souls, beautiful souls, and were able to usher them into something better and long-lasting after me, so I don’t regret it at least... I learned with them to never trust the pretty words until action backed it up. And action rarely ever happened. I needed someone with fire and passion in them, and those with pretty words didn't have the power within them I sought.”
“But… there were some… over the centuries, that managed to slip in despite my damndest to try and not become attached - especially once I decided to embark on a long life that involved planned reincarnations. Mani was the first, Goddess damn that stupid man.” Her eyes became wet here and her hand fidgeted with the feathers in her hair. “I played a long-haul game with him down in the Shackles, but ended up losing to the wonderful and dedicated Tessa Fairwind. I’d still keep after him though, finding how close I could get to the line before being accused of mutiny. Goddess bless him, he stayed true the whole time. Fairwind won herself a stable ship in him. That’s the first time I realized it didn’t matter if you cared for someone. First lesson in love. I realized that’s why others profess the world to another. But it would never matter s'long as they looked at another. So to make it hurt less? I pushed that away too, and focused on becoming the best Free Captain I could under his fleet, Captaining the Neverending Story as his flagship. I had to make him proud somehow. So I became the best damn pirate I could."
Shaking her wings out like one would to re-settle a blanket, Citrine took a moment to further collect her thoughts. It had been a long while since she'd had this sort of talk with anyone.
“It wasn’t until I was traveling the land of Varisia in a gypsy troupe that I met the second person who gave me a lesson in relationships. He was the Tribe’s son, Frethias, and we hit it off instantly. We never spoke out loud of what we were, but I had thought that maybe? We were just the two of us against the world. Until one day I found him with another, and was told that as next in line to lead the Tribe he could never carry on with a halfling at his side who hadn’t been born of this life. I had been the side girl without realizing it somehow the whole time… as he was arranged to marry a Lass from another caravan. So I realized then? You can’t trust anyone who says they’ll always be there to run after you. They’ll only run until they tire.” A bitter note twisted her words here, though the sting was long gone of being shunned like this? It would always strike a chord in her heart. "It's like ye've described, Thea. You loved him, and still do. Even if you're the stupid one for thinking maybe they can return the love you gave them. And you're damn right - it's not enough. Believe me, those like Frethias, like your once bethroled … you'd have ended up miserable. Let him be a lesson for you, to draw inspiration from to compare the certainty you will eventually feel for another. Because you will, Thea. I promise. If someone as miserably bad at relationships can find a soulmate? So can you."
She looked back up at Thea then, the same upside down look from before. "Of course there were a few more in there after Frethias too… ah… woman…. named Lady Maeve. And a Lass named Rin. But - Aye'd ruther not speak of them… if you don't mind. I truthfully never thought I would ever be in a relationship. Because up until Orin? I hadn’t even managed one successful real relationship at all me years– how could I possibly start now? But I want it. I want it so bad. I want safe warm arms at night who will trust me like the fiery seabird I am – that if I go and fly into the horizon that they trust me to come back, a faithful hawk who peacefully agrees to the hood and jesses. I wanted it so bad before Orin and I took steps like we have I even, though a very strange encounter in a cursed cave, dream lived through 113 years of sailing with Mani at his side without ever straying or longing for another. So I know what it can be and feel like to be satisfied with one person. Ever since then I focused on myself. I swore off anything that even hinted at being in a relationship. I made it clear with everyone I met and was heading to bed that I wasn’t here for more than what that night would bring, I didn’t do relationships. That 'this' was for a time of fun and forgetting. And then? Though all that? I found Orin.”
Her voice picked back up here a bit, sounding more like her cheerful self, the light pine of her embarrassment in talking about her relationship failures replacing with the scent of wood polish of all things.
"We'd been through ah lot, 'er an' Aye. Aye ne'er thought et'd be possible fer someone tae change me outlook on relationships…. But here we are! Aye proposed tae her, she said yes, tehn Aye promised ah real engagement with ah ring an' party once we were done with our adventure!" She let her head thunk against Thea's chest as their girl talk kept going, hand wrapping around the very same ring it seemed she was planning to propose with.. "An' Aye just feel miserable nae knaeing how tae get back to her. She's gonna think Aye gave up. Aye bet she'd think nothin' o' et, afterull. Aye sleep around, Aye've ne'er been en ah situation that needed faithfulness, nor desired et. Aye'm wildfire, sae.... et's nae impossible tae think, Aye bet, tha' after me time servin' Gozreh Aye use tha' tae just... ghost Orin o' something." The doubts whispered in her tone. "All Aye've done is just listened to the naggin' voice en teh back o' me head tae be here, en Waterdeep. Whenever Aye think about wandering around more, meybe find ah high wizard elsewhere en teh world? Ah feeling - one Aye swear feels like 'Olly naggin' - keeps me grounded in Waterdeep."
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Post by moralhazard on Feb 23, 2019 1:28:32 GMT
Thea shifted with Citrine, mostly because she couldn’t help it; it was either shift with the small but remarkably demanding phoenix woman, or get off the table. Much like a cat, there wasn’t really any room for pushback. Anyway, Thea didn’t mind; Citrine’s wings were down and out of the way, and it was comfortable enough with Citrine settled back into her.
Citrine offered her own thoughts of relationships, born of long experience, and Thea nodded, happy to accept the advice. She listened, quiet and still, marking the change in Citrine’s voice as she began to speak a little more seriously than she had before.
Thea went utterly still at Citrine’s mention of infidelity, still and quieter than before, as if she was – was holding her breath. She supposed it was obvious; she felt practically transparent to Citrine. It was an unusual feeling for the genasi; she was used to being the one skilled at reading others, the one who could often sense what was going on in the minds of her companions, who could hide her own thoughts and feelings. Dom – she’d never been able to hide from him, and clearly he had from her. That was a miserable lesson. Citrine reminded Thea of him, at least in that one way; she always seemed to see straight through Thea, like Thea wasn’t even trying. It was a little humiliating, but Thea was also sort of grateful for it.
Thea let out a little huff of air at Citrine’s promise that she would find someone, someday. It had been – months since she’d left Dom. A year since she should have left him. Half of the reason Thea had left Urmlaspyr was that she’d been afraid that he would talk his way back into her heart if she stayed, that she wouldn’t have the strength to keep away from him if he was close at hand. She’d certainly failed to leave before, long past the point at which, really, she had known better.
For a moment, a little embarrassed, Thea wondered just how many partners Citrine had had? She supposed Citrine had had much longer than the, er, average person to, um, try things out? Thea had had exactly one; somehow in front of Citrine she felt embarrassed by that, rather than proud. She didn’t want to think too deeply on that. Thea had never felt anything less than satisfied with just Dom; it had honestly never occurred to her to seek out someone else.
It still hurt, rather miserably, that he hadn’t been satisfied with her. She knew Citrine hadn’t meant her words that way, but Thea turned them over in mind her mind nonetheless. Someone in a relationship – with her – had been so bored that he’d sought someone else out, over and over, at the risk of being left – even after he’d been found out once, even after he’d sworn he never would again, no matter what. Thea had spent many sleepless nights trying to convince herself it was on Dom, not her, and she’d come far enough that it was the explanation she’d given Citrine. She believed it too, she really did, but apparently not deeply enough to banish every nagging worm of doubt.
“Then I suppose you’d better stay here,” Thea shifted a little behind Citrine, comfortable with the other woman’s warmth against her. “I think – trusting your instincts – it makes sense.”
Thea was quiet for a moment more. “… Thank you for sharing,” she said, finally, softly. All the questions swirling in her mind were a little too raw at the moment. Asking Citrine her thoughts would mean sharing more of what had gone on between her and Dominic, and whatever Citrine knew already – or guessed – Thea didn’t think she wanted to talk of it any more. Truly, she’d prefer not to even think of it.
Except – “Is it her?” Thea asked, finally, unable to fully resist. “I just – I mean – is she… special? Or is it that you changed, do you think?”
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Citrine
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6 Wild Blooded Sorcerer+ 1 Celestial Warlock
Posts: 328
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Post by Citrine on Feb 23, 2019 2:25:52 GMT
Citrine was, without a doubt, self-centered. She knew herself, knew what she was about, and offered no apologies for it. And while she was storytelling she was, mostly, caught up in her own history, ensuring she was remembering it right -or right enough- she didn’t even try to take into consideration how it was affecting Thea. It was a long history, and there was no doubt something within would be raw for the genasi. And being leaned against Thea? She could feel the moment her breathing rate changed… when she began to talk about Frethias. It was a little note the firebird kept in the back of her mind, but she didn't change the tone or impact of her story.
It was comforting to hear Thea say it made sense to stay. Ever week, every month, every year that had passed since Holly's spell sent her here? She felt she was letting down Orin more and more. Trill humming a comforting sound simply to fill the room, Citrine's wings reflected her melancholy mood by filling the feathers with a smoky burning leaf smell. "Thanks, Thea… Aye needed tae hear tha." And she had.
"Is et her? What ah strange question to ask Lass! Of course it was her, she's everything Aye'm nae. Strong. Filled with raw power. Intelligent. An unwavering ability tae protect those around 'er." Citrine didn't even have to hesitate to think, preening about her intended. "She stood by me, when everyone else had turned their backs. Blamed me fer all tehir troubles, an they all said Aye was worthless, an' tried tae 'ave me culled, more o' less, fer ah situation beyond me control. Protected me, ferm their angry looks an' plans; cause they were right! Even bruned ah Black Spot on 'er palm tae mimic mine…" Anyone who grew up by the sea, or even heard stories of the sea, would know the dreaded mysteries and curse that was the Black Spot - a black dot that would appear on the palm of someone who had betrayed the sea, their ship, or more. "She's me Captain. Made me see Aye wasn't livin en ah illusion anymore. Aye was real. She was real. O' course she's special."
For now Citrine didn't commented on the last half of Thea's question, but the blood in her veins and the snowflake on her chest pushed her like a gentle reminder she'd a question asked of her, and she needed to answer. "Aye'm sure Aye'm changed tae, Aye suppose. Impossible nae tae with what Aye'd gone through before all this 'appened between us. Aye'm still ah mess… Aye talk tae much, Aye'm abrasive. Wild… always will be." She grinned a bit even as she insulted herself passively. "But we fit taegether. Like tae halves, fillin' en each other's gaps. Et's nae perfect. En fact? Since Aye'd proposed tae her? We've only been taegether en person fer…. Meybe ah month." Sorrow through the smell of a rainstorm mixed with the burning leaves. "Two tops. Before we were separated, an Aye 'aven't seen her since."
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Post by moralhazard on Feb 23, 2019 2:50:20 GMT
It was, in all honesty, the answer Thea had expected. After how many times Citrine had been hurt, before, after her own long history of, um, not settling down, Thea thought it only made sense that it would have taken an exceptional person to make Citrine happy settling down. But… at the same time, it wasn’t the answer Thea had wanted.
"You must have a lot to catch up on," Thea was happier to talk about Citrine's problems than her own. "What would you tell her first?"
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Citrine
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6 Wild Blooded Sorcerer+ 1 Celestial Warlock
Posts: 328
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Post by Citrine on Feb 23, 2019 3:24:36 GMT
A dusky shadow grinned on her face. "Et won't be words Aye tell 'er first." She couldn't keep the wax out of her wings at the implication. "But after? Aye…. Aye dunno." She sounded lost almost then at that point. Like the idea hadn't occurred to her despite no doubt it being something that was constantly on her mind.
"Aye picture et though. All teh time. What'll et'll be like tae see 'er again. Hold 'er. Touch 'er. Smell 'er. Taste 'er. Teh joy o' being with 'er again! Aye imagine 'ow she'll sweep me off me feet, being so smol, an me... nae able tae stop grinnin' like an eejit." The longing in her keen was undeniable. "Aye look teh same, more o' less… but what about 'er? Aye've nae idea what's happened tae her. Aye refuse tae believe she's dead - 'Olly's spell wouldn't have dropped me anywhere ef there'd been naething tae focus on at-ull. 'Er blood es what activated teh Gate tae begin with - wouldn't have lit up ef teh blood 'ad nae match... Sae Aye can' wait tae see an' hear about what she's done." It had been a fear she'd held onto right up until Holly had opened the vial of blood and used it as a spell component.
Her knees drew up a bit, wings shifting to allow for the new triangles underneath. She hoped she didn't scratch the table with her talons…
"What about ye, Lass?" Citrine began to shift the topic, feeling a bit too choked up in the throat. "Ye danced around teh implication tha' ye Lad 'ad done somethin' unforgivable." It was time to push some of the focus onto Thea. "Have ye talked about et with anyone?" She knew some people tended to keep that sort of stuff buried inside. Never spoke of what bothered them. Let it build and build. Svana had been one of those types…. It hadn't ended well. "Aye'm 'ere tae listen, ef ye care tae share - Aye've nae shut up meself fer quite ah bit nae, ye're probably tired o' hearin' me voice." Was it emotional manipulation? Maybe. But Citrine was curious about what Thea was holding back from talking more, wanted to find the line what was teh topics of push and shove. Wanted to see how far she could fan the flames before Thea started to lose her temper even. Not from the intent of making her mad or angry for the joy of it, but, honestly, just to see if she could. And? She was concerned for her new friend in terms of where her headspace was at. Relationship discussions were heavy.
((Current word count 15,516))
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Post by moralhazard on Feb 23, 2019 3:43:09 GMT
Thea giggled at Citrine’s answer, then quieted when Citrine grew more serious again, listening to her. She couldn’t help a little exhalation of relief at the news that Citrine knew, definitively, that Orin was alive. Or, a nasty little voice in Thea’s mind suggested, had been alive then. Thea pushed the thought away, refusing it. She wanted to believe in Orin and Citrine, like one of the fairy stories she’d heard as a little girl. She wanted to believe that they had been just as Citrine imagined, every bit as brilliant, and that they would be again, as much for her own sake as for Citrine’s.
And then Citrine came out and asked about the thoughts weighing on Thea’s mind. Thea shifted on the table, pulling away from Citrine just a little, suddenly needing some space between them. “I’m not,” she protested at the suggestion that she was tired of hearing Citrine talk, but she could tell that Citrine didn’t intend to talk any more, not just now.
And worse, Citrine didn’t even ask what Dom had done, just if Thea had talked about it. She’d talked about it. Hadn’t she? Not the first time, because – because she had been too ashamed to tell anyone that she hadn’t left him. The memory of those months was like a miserable fog; she’d worked so hard to convince herself she was happy. And there had been moments of joy: finishing her years as a journeyman, entering the guild. When Dominic had proposed, although that one was somewhat bittersweet.
And then suddenly it was all too much, a pressure that was building up inside her like a storm. Thea felt herself crack, felt it leak out into the air like poison.
“It’s complicated,” Thea shivered, drawing away yet a little more from Citrine. “There was so much that was good, or – or that I thought was good. It went bad, and I… now I don’t know if it ever was what I imagined, if it went bad or it always was bad, and I was just too young to realize. I don’t… I don’t know. I think it was him, not me, but… maybe it was me too.”
“I don’t know how to talk about it,” Thea admitted, softly. “It’s – there’s just too much to say.”
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Citrine
Approved
6 Wild Blooded Sorcerer+ 1 Celestial Warlock
Posts: 328
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Post by Citrine on Feb 24, 2019 23:21:20 GMT
Relationships were complicated, she nodded solemnly to the simple yet complex observation. She could feel Thea drawing away slightly, a breeze of fresh air swooping in to fill the gap between her back and Thea's front - the cooler sensation giving her a quick series of goosebumps underneath her violet shirt and around her shoulders. She stretched so she could look above and over her shoulder, a quick sharp small tilt of her head in a bird quirk of question. Cooing softly, hearing the distress in her voice yet not relenting how she stared at Thea with raptor eyes, unblinking, as she waited for a more drawn out explanation.
But it seemed there would not be any sort of expansion.
The gap between them furthered, more goosebumps spreading now down her arms and making her toes on one bird foot curl as the funny sensation ghosted around her knee. Well that just wouldn't do. Digging her heel onto the table, lifting the back claw awkwardly up so as to not scratch, Citrine pushed herself backwards so she was once more flush more or less to Thea. Even if Thea didn't keep going? Citrine was not going to let a physical distance come between them, not during a topic like this.
"What's teh first thing ye think o' then, when ye think o' et? Meebe start with his name? Can't call him ye ex-Lad forever ef Aye'm gonna be teh person ye finally vent this all tae… Though, Aye've teh impression,… tha'… perhaps? Ye're blamin' yeself fer somethin' tha' just wasn't meant tae be." Moving her arms so she could find Thea's arms, the firebird ran her hands down her arms to gently clasp around her wrists and fold them over her stomach, gently encouraging Thea to hold herself like one would a stuffed animal, or a throw pillow.
"Nae everythin's meant tae work, first time around. An' sometimes? Et's nae meant tae be at-ull, nae matter what. Nae matter how nice et seems at first, o' how grand teh initial feelin's o' infactuation are. Ef ah Lad has their eye on someone… o' someones…. Else? Et don' matter one whit what ye thik' o' feel about et." Her thumbs began to run small circles on Thea's hands. "Aye felt tha' way about Mani, thought teh world o' him, but et wasn't en teh cards fer us. Felt even stronger about Frethias. Sae teh knife o' seein' 'im with another? An' findin' out he was plain' me teh whole time? Et was…." She whistled, finding it hard to convey the feeling accurately.
As she was speaking now Citrine bend her wings at an odd angle in order to wrap them around Thea from behind, as if she was reaching behind her back with her arms, just, with her wings instead of limbs. The warmth and scent that came from them was, Citrine hoped, a comfort. She wanted to help, and was trying her best to be gentle about it instead of in her usual forceful or blunt manner - the burning leaves smell mixing with candlesmoke, ash, and clove making it seem like a crisp autumn day despite the obvious winter outdoors or the furnace made summer heat inside.
"Aye'll listen, tae whatever ye might want tae sae." She looked up again, hair tumbling down around her face as she looked at Thea's chin and jaw from her vantage point. "Ye'r one o' me Faodail's nae, Lass. Aye'm 'ere fer ye, whether ye want me 'ere o' nae." She grinned, impishly, to try and break the mood slightly - leaving the definition of Faodail a mystery for now.
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Post by moralhazard on Feb 24, 2019 23:54:15 GMT
Citrine was just – staring at her. Thea kept her tongue for a moment, having trouble holding the raptor’s gaze. Then, as if giving in, Citrine scooted back and curled against Thea again. Gently, but firmly, she took Thea’s arms and wrapped them around herself, her hands rubbing against Thea’s own. Then, her wings – wrapped half-backwards around Thea, warm and comfortable.
Thea shivered, slowly, slowly thawing. She had no idea what a Faodail was, but – for once she didn’t try to dodge or evade. For once she thought, maybe, she could talk about it.
“His name was – is – Dominic,” Thea sighed a little. The name still tingled within her, full of promise and secrets and love and longing. “Dom, mostly, but he didn’t mind either.”
Citrine had asked what the first thing Thea thought of when she thought of it. Of him? His laugh – the way it had spread through Thea, warming her from the inside out. The look on his face when Thea had told him she was leaving Urmlaspyr, when it had sunk in that really – finally – there wasn’t another chance, not this time. The feeling of being home in his arms, the feeling that she was safe with him where ever she was, whether sleeping on the ground or at home in bed.
What an idiot she’d been.
Thea sighed again, slowly loosening, relaxing against Citrine. “He was my first – my first everything,” Thea hesitated, half a heartbeat. Her only, truth be told, but she couldn't quite bring herself to admit that to Citrine.
Thea gave her head a little shake, trying to think of what else to say. “It was hard for me, after the shipwreck,” she said, finally. “Most of the people I’d been friends with before, they… they didn’t know how to see me, after. Dom never seemed to mind, I… he always wanted to talk with me.”
Thea was quiet. This wasn’t what she wanted. There was just too much to say, if she started there, too much long history to unpack. What would she even say? That he had given Thea her first kiss, after a storm? That he’d taken her on adventures, outside of Urmlaspyr, running errands and fighting monsters and doing a thousand other things? That he’d made her feel beautiful and brave?
“We were together five years,” Thea said, finally, a crooked little smile on her face. “He told me he loved me – told me he’d never love anyone else, that he was lucky to have me, that he didn’t deserve me. Then, one day, I found him with someone else.” Thea’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment. This part, she couldn’t bear to watch Citrine’s face for; she could just imagine her reaction, Thea’s mind happy to fill in how disgusted Citrine would be with her. “I forgave him,” Thea whispered. “I accepted that – that it was a mistake, nothing more, that he loved me. He proposed, and I said yes.”
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Citrine
Approved
6 Wild Blooded Sorcerer+ 1 Celestial Warlock
Posts: 328
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Post by Citrine on Feb 25, 2019 0:15:43 GMT
Listening, offering only warm wings and a gentle coo in places where it seemed she needed an acknowledgement that she'd heard her speak, Citrine relented and focused her gaze on the opposite wall instead of head turned up to look at Thea. Just like how the genasi seemed to speak better when looking into the fire than at her, it seemed, Thea was one who needed horse blinders in order to speak her mind. That was alright.
"Firsts are unfair and cruel." Citrine finally said, slowly exhaling her breath that she'd been semi holding in order to not say anything to interrupt the monologue she'd been coaxing at, tugging at, like a worried string on a sweater - able to ignore it for only a short time before absently fiddling back at it.
She hugged Thea's arms around her middle again, a sort of reverse hug, and snugged her wings against Thea's back tighter. "O' course ye forgave him. Why wouldn't ye? Teh heart es ah blasted thing - makes nae sense an' causes moar trouble then et's worth! An' ef ye 'ad nae other friends tae help support ye? Ye're darn right ye did what ye thought was right. Even might 'ave been right - though et turned sour en the end. Ef ye weren't willin' tae take his apology an try tae make et better? Can ye honestly say ye loved 'em at-ull tae begin with?" It probably didn't help, really, the fact that Citrine saw nothing wrong or unnatural in how Thea responded to the situation.
The firebird had the sense too, that, Thea wasn't… well experienced in the realm of dating. Relationships. Romance. By the sound of it? If Dom was the first…. There probably weren't too many seconds or thirds. "Aye'll admit, Aye'm prolly nae teh best fer romantic advice… Aye've slept around sae much Aye can't even give ah guess at tae how many partner's Aye've 'ad." Really, it was a number probably left unsaid, unthought of, and unguessed. "But Aye can say this, et's nae wrong o' ye tae 'ave tried tae make et work. An' et's nae ye fault he was ah right arse en knaein' 'ow sweet ye are tae keep trying tae make et work."
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